SO Close to death's door

Gosh, It's been a while since i've posted something relatively worth reading on my blog.
Well its been a busy few months i guess. Lots of things have happened. Been way Up and been way dOWN, but everything has mellowed out i guess......

I finally realise having 6 classes a week really takes its toll on me
its not that its the hours, its the concentration you have to put into each class that really tires you out

It isn't really a physical fatigue i guess....... after all classes are only a maximum of 3 1/2 hours a day. Its more of the reading and writing and thinking that goes into this few hours that really drains the mind i suppose. plus there have been other things that have been nagging at my mind.

I think in a way I have recently detached myself from reality, choosing only to believe what i believe is true and leaving no quarter for anything else. perhaps I'm just tired of having to give and take with everyone.......

to those i have made angry because of my foul attitude lately I am terribly sorry.....

i realise i'm really strung out lately with so many things happening
i don't know if I'm supposed to be sad having two close family members with their one foot in their graves. In a way i suppose i don't know what it feels like to lose someone close to me. or perhaps i have gotten used to the idea that everybody leaves sooner or later......
Perhaps it just hasn't sunk in yet i suppose that my grandmother who partially raised me is about to bite the dust, and my grand aunt who has always been a role model is following close behind.

I tell myself that its going to be fine. After all, if they do die now it would be of natural causes, and they have both lived full lives seeing all their children grow up and come into their own. In fact in a way i quite envy them......

their tough journey on this pitiful earth is finally almost over. No more need to worry about earthly stuff.... but will things be the same without them?

perhaps i don't have a heart at all. thats why i don't even feel anything. no sadness, no happiness(is that even possible), NOTHING.

oh well, life moves on right?

























or does it?